Farmville is her only friend.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
