I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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