the day after is always just damage control
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
