I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
