so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
