my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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