dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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