She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
