turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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