i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
