a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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