you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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