Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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