I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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