Tell her she can't have a vagina
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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