OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
