Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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