i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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