Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
