We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
