I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
