dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
