u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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