walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
