i think my tv is drunk
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
