Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
