Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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