Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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