it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
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besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
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I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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