So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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