the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
