i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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