i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
