who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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