beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm having to shit out rocks
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