"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
