if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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