you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
