Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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