Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
