Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
