Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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