Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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