I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
