Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
