I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
