All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
