I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
