you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
