Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
