chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
