His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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