party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
