Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
