I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
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i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
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You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.