omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
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The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
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Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?