shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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