I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Yo dont text me then not text me
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
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