I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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