I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
What should our trivia night team be named?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome