Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.