respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
