And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Everyone says I win the strip club
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
