I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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