And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
