There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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