Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
