I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
