My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
