Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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