apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I want a musical about memes.
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