Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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