Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
