He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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