I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
